Undercover Feminists in the Conservative Church

Getting on a soap box here. Convicted in my own heart.

There is a special kind of feminism lurking far away from the progressive sign-toting, body-flaunting, flagrant man-haters of lesbian and liberal descent.

They hide behind their baby packs, long skirts, and trail of children following them around like ducks in a row. They glide, undetected through homeschool conferences and grocery lines, siting demurely in non-denominational churches and 15 passenger vans—an army of undercover feminists as bent on destroying the patriarchy as their radical counterparts.

Oh, an undercover feminist is a master of playing by the rules. Propping her husband up as the cardboard cutout of her home, she rapidly undermines his leadership and manhood.

Ah. She wishes her husband would be a better leader. Sigh. But he struggles with porn. Television. He stays at the office too late. He’s slobbish. He isn’t a good father—mentally absent. He hardly reads his bible. Some mornings he doesn’t even want to go to church. Of course he does, but still.

With her patient support he has overcome some vices. If he enjoyed a beer before, you can be certain there is not a drop of that poison in their home now. While his movie choices used to be questionable, she has whittled his selection down to a few choice classics God would approve of. Their pantry serves only the most nutritious of dishes, his chips and candy have no place there (of course her dark chocolate is a health food). She keeps their marriage bed pure and chaste, and thankfully he’s given up his worldy expectations for intimacy.

She washes her husband in the Word daily. With her dutiful commitment you can assure he knows what God thinks on all subjects at any given time.

Husbands of an undercover feminist may struggle with anger and be strict with the children, they may work long shifts away from home, but often they nod, glassy-eyed alongside their wife vehemently calling out wicked doctrines and heresies—trading peace for their patriarchal calling.